"Ode to the Sauce"

It is that time of year again-the time that I fear. The time that I dread. It is...
THE SEASON OF THE SAUCE.  When cranberry sauce runs rampant in the streets,conning its way into households under the guise of being a Thanksgiving day feast necessity. It looks funny,tastes funny-its a vile wobbly purple disaster. It upsets me to even glance in its direction. The devils creation. Its EVIL~& I swear that it nearly mugged me in a parking lot once.

Once its freed from its confines,it wobbles out of the can,almost mockingly...freeing itself in a final act of desperation. It bares its scars proudly,those can indentations...the markings of a tortured existance. Images that are permanently seared into my brain. When the light shines onto it,it glistens &at times even has a reflective property to it. This is to lure you into a false sense of security,by its seemingly tranquil appearance. It will swallow up your reflection within itself, in its purple hue and if it could~it would swallow your soul as well. If not fully content with your soul,it would then devour you whole,leaving behind lil wobbly purple remnants in its wake.

So this Thanksgiving,I implore you~if you find that cranberry sauce is anywhere within your immediate vicinity~please,for the love of god...DO NOT turn your back to it.

Do not poke at it with your fork,or any other type of sharp instrument,because in an act of defiance it will overtake you.
In all honesty,it really doesnt matter if you jab it,slice it,or ignore it. It is cranberry sauce-thus...you will inevitably succumb to it. So have a"happy thanksgiving" or the polar opposite...a "depressive ungrateful taking" day.
Enjoy your feasts...and remember,heed my warning. When it comes to the sauce...proceed with caution.